


on the last few drags of air (we agreed)

by sleepicide



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: :(, First Kiss, Heavy Angst, I cried writing this, Last Kiss, M/M, Ryan Bergara Loves Shane Madej, Sad Ending, Scared Shane Madej, Shane Madej Loves Ryan Bergara, i listened to the end of the world by billie eilish while writing this, im sorry im in an angsty mood, never got the chance to love each other as boyfriends, ryan fucking died
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-15
Updated: 2019-07-15
Packaged: 2020-06-28 16:34:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19816195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sleepicide/pseuds/sleepicide
Summary: and ryan thinks, for just a moment, as he stares down the barrel of that gun, that he wasn't meant to give his life for this man, that this wasn't their destiny.but it was.or;ryan made a choice.(short fic)(title from The End Of The World by Billie Eilish)





	on the last few drags of air (we agreed)

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [your life was my life's best part](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13410114) by [BooyahFordhamYacht](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BooyahFordhamYacht/pseuds/BooyahFordhamYacht). 



ryan never knew where to start with him. never knew how to begin with him. but _he_ did. _he_ always started the conversations, _he_ always started the banter and somehow _always_ knew where to begin. ryan never needed to know because _he_ did.

but now, as ryans eyes blur with tears and his ears ring, and as shane cradles him against him and presses a hand against the wound in his stomach, he knows he needs to know where to start. shane' voice is hoarse, and scratchy as he sobs. "why, ryan, you idiot, why?" he gives a small cry, "this is going to take forever to heal you idiot, and its going to put you out of commission for a few weeks and, and.." shane grapples for what's left of his sanity ryan believes, before he chokes out a strangled "why?"

"because you're my best friend, my ghoul buddy, what would I do without you?" he plays along, and as he locks eyes with shane, he realizes his brown eyes are wide and scared, frantic. they're bloodshot, and it suddenly hits ryan that he's going to die. 

and it scares him, it does. it terrifies that shit out of him, but as he glances down and notices that the only blood on shane is his own, he calm down. "you're safe, you're okay, that's all that matters big guy." he chuckles, and as shane clutches him tighter to his chest he gives a strained laugh.

"don't say that buddy, you're gonna be okay, everything is gonna be fine. I know you're in pain right now but you're gonna be-" 

"don't lie to me in our final moments together," ryan pleads, and he feels blood bubble up in his throat, and he turns his head to cough it up. "don't look me in my eyes and lie to me shane. _please_."

shane breaks down, "you fucking idiot, why did you take that fucking bullet for me? god dammit _why?!"_ he yells, his voice cracking, and ryan allows his head to roll back so he can look at the night sky one last time, and because _god fuck_ he's tired.

"because I couldn't let that happen to you shane. I.. I couldn't let you die. maybe I'm just selfish, but I just couldn't do it. I couldn't." he mumbles, "I couldn't have lived without you."

"and you didn't bother to think about me you fucking dick?" he sobs, and he gently rocks ryan back and forth, and _wow_ that makes him tired.

he feels shane bury his nose into his hair, "im sorry, im so sorry." he's not sure which one of them mumbles it, but he cant die yet, he needs to know, he needs shane to know.

"shane, I love you." he breaths out, and shane just cries harder, "I love you so much big guy."

"I love you too, I love you I love you I love you." he chants it, like it'll heal the bullet wound in ryan's stomach if he says it enough. ryan gently smiles, even though he'll never get to love him as his boyfriend, or his husband, he's glad that he was loved as well.

"can I ask you two things?" he mumbles as he looks at shane, and he nods.

"anything, baby."

ryan gives soft laugh, before he becomes serious again, "were you happy? with me, in the time you spent with me, were you happy?"

"of course I was," he pauses, "were you?"

"more than happy." he grins, the tears in his eyes spilling over.

"and your other question?"

"kiss me, please?"

and so he does.

their first and their last kiss is sweet and soft and so so _sad_. ryans lips are cold and shane is so warm, and maybe if he just closes his eyes..

when shane pulls back, ryan gives him a soft smile.

shane blinks one more time, and when his eyes open again,

ryan is dead.

and shane might as well be

**Author's Note:**

> I Apologize for this fic. I cried writing it.


End file.
